Counting Down Memories
by I'mInk
Summary: After Frisk leaves Asriel at the flowerbed at the beginning of the Ruins, Asriel has to face his last moments as a being with a soul alone. (Rated T for some strong language)(Oneshot)


**I do not claim to own Undertale or any of its characters.**

* * *

"Don't you have anything better to do?"

A little sigh, footsteps that marked the growing distance between the two of them, and then silence.

Now, he was alone. Memories were mangling through his mind as he sat down and held his head in an attempt to get a grip on them. Honestly, these were his last moments being himself! He was _not_ going to spend them having a headache.

Legs crossed, back straight, focus on your breathing. Toriel had taught him that years ago. Or...well, not years ago... More like a lot of resets ago. Come to think of it, how many years had passed since he had become a flower? Sure, the world around him had changed dramatically since the time he saw a glimpse of the human world, but he couldn't recall what was part of his original timeline and what was from the resets anymore. A year was as much worth as an hour and...

Was this even making sense?

A half-sad, half-amused smile found its way onto Asriel's face. His head was heavy, his arms were tired. He felt as if he was having a cold, but without the annoying sneezing and coughing and snot everywhere. Was this the aftermath of battling against a stubborn pacifist and destroying the barrier? Probably. He had given his all in that battle, not to mention that his body had held every soul in the whole underground except for Frisk's. No wonder he was feeling tired.

As he was pondering all of this, he felt his eyelids falling ever so slightly. Immediately, adrenaline shot through his body and he stumbled up from the ground. He was panting, his heart was slamming against the inside of his chest.

No. No, no, no, no, no. He could not give in to this exhaustion. If he did, if he fell asleep, he would waste the few moments he had left! No, okay. It was okay. He was fine for now. He just had to use this time and say his proper goodbyes to everyone he knew.

Asriel sat down again, trying to not make any sound, as if he would wake something if he made even the slightest noise.

Right, it was time to simply go down the list, addressing everyone he knew.

The first one he thought of was Toriel.

Of course he first thought of his mother. As a young kid without a lover, the first one he would think of was his mother. Anyway, wouldn't married monsters think of their parents first as well? Or maybe they'd think of their children...he was getting off track again.

Toriel, mom, the Queen, wife of King Asgore. What had she meant for Asriel? What had Asriel meant for her?

As far as he could remember, she was always, _always_ smiling. And even when there was something going on, she did not hide it, but explained it to him in such a way that the situation was clear to him, but still with a positive spin on it. Like the time they poisoned Asgore.

Toriel, after making sure that Asgore was asleep, had placed both him and Chara on the large chair in front of the fireplace and had sat down on the ground in front of them, so that they were on the same height as she was. She then told them that their father was ill, due to them messing up the pie. But also that Asgore was big and strong and that he would be better in no time- a week or so- and that he wasn't mad at all.

Asriel had felt guilty, and scared. Chara had been a little paler than usual as well. He was about to flood their mother with thousands of apologies, but she had suddenly smiled.

"You don't have to be sorry, sweethearts. You couldn't have known. And now you know what happens when you are a little bit too careless, so I'm sure that from now on you'll be wiser in the future."

He had looked at her with his large, teary eyes. And she had chuckled.

"You know, I'm actually very proud of you two. You took responsibility for your actions. You didn't deny that you made a mistake, like some monsters, even grown ones, would do. They think they are above consequences, which is actually a very childish thought to have. All of this proves that you two are very mature for your age. And that's why I'm proud of you."

Yes, Toriel had taught him so many things. Even though she worried a little bit too much sometimes. He owed her a huge thanks for what she had done, and it was sad that he had never actually thanked her for it.

"T-thank you, mom."

After a few shaky breaths, Asriel continued his 'list'.

His father. Asgore.

It had always amused Asriel that even though Asgore was king, and ruled the Underground rightfully, and very little were brave enough to talk against them- he wasn't a scary guy at all though-, he had never been able to go against the will of his wife. Probably because he loved her so much, but there were times when Toriel could be strict as well, being the strong and independent, and slightly stubborn, lady she was. He had seen them bicker countless of times before, when he and Chara were watching from outside the kitchen, enjoying the drama that would always end in a small peck on the lips.

He was the kind of I-can't-really-say-no-to-my-kids-so-sometimes-they-get-the-better-of-me-unless-they-get-in-really-big-trouble father, and on his days off, he would take Asriel and Chara on trips through the Underground, always ready to tell interesting stories and show them something new and exciting. You could always rely on him to wipe away your tears and make you forget your bad mood by doing just the right thing, were it tickling you until the laughing was more painful than the scraped knee, or showing how nice the world could be if you knew where to look.

As far as bedtime stories went, he wasn't that great, but Chara always wanted to see him try because he'd get so awkward when he realised the story made no sense whatsoever. And Asriel knew he had much more memories than just that, but these were the ones that always popped up whenever he thought about his father.

Of course, there were also days when Asgore was occupied with his task as king, and he wouldn't leave the throne room for days. Those were the times that Asriel and Chara made sure they were quiet and didn't cause too much trouble, so their father wouldn't burn himself out.

Yes, he was great, that good old father of his.

"Thank you... dad, mom, both of you. I'm going to miss..."

Asriel trailed off, as the image of Chara slipped into his mind.

Chara.

There was so much to be said about them. Asriel owed a lot to Chara, both positively and negatively.

It was Chara who stood up for him when he was afraid to. It was Chara who showed him how to be brave. And they had been together for a long time. Or at least, in his head.

Because how much time had passed since they had fallen down the hole and when they passed the barrier? A few years? Less? More? Asriel couldn't remember. All his resets messed with his perception of time.

Right, so maybe they hadn't know each other for a very long time. But still, long enough to know each other. They had been true siblings. Fighting, making up, sharing, laughing, crying, everything. So much had happened in those few years. They had changed. Chara had become cheerier and more outspoken, and Asriel was more confident than ever. Their different personalities had a positive influence on each other. Chara was there for him when he was too timid to do what was needed, and he was there for Chara to make sure they didn't go too far sometimes. What did that old turtle call them? Like Yin and Yang?

But even though they almost seemed meant to be together, it wasn't all beautiful. There had been times when Asriel couldn't get Chara to stop their mean behaviour, and could do nothing but stand and watch as they bullied a young monster or broke someone's property. Those were the times that Asriel felt weak, when he was too scared to just step in front of them and take a blow from his sibling. Just to show them that with hurting someone else, they were also hurting their family.

But he never did. And that was one of his many regrets.

More memories slipped into his mind. More times when Chara did terrible things and Asriel obediently went along with them, only to realise later that it was so wrong what they were doing. Why had he always followed them? If he hadn't done that, both of them would still be alive and none of them would be in this mess! He wouldn't be a flower! They wouldn't be dead!

Although the opposite was also true when Asriel had gone through with the plan and killed six humans... and took their souls...

No, he couldn't have! It was wrong to kill! He was still sure of that decision!

The images played in front of his eyes. Again. And again.

While all this was happening, the child had slowly risen to his feet, shaking slightly and covering his mouth with his hand, tears ready to spill from his eyes. And all he could do was feel the panic he felt back then, when Chara was screaming at him in his head, yelling, cursing, calling him everything they could think of. Why wasn't he killing the humans? What was he doing? Was he a wimp? Get up! They were going to kill them!

"No... No..."

His breathing was becoming unsteady, his hands were getting sweaty.

 _Chara is mad driven, yelling so loudly he can't understand them anymore. He picks up their lifeless body and stumbles back towards the Underground, the humans following him and landing blow after blow on him. He feels his heart beating in his throat, he hears Chara, and wants them to calm down, but he is too afraid to speak. He feels his strength flowing out of him._

 _Suddenly, Chara is speaking slower, their voice lower than Asriel could've ever imagined. He can understand them again._

 _"You are a fucking coward. Now turn around. And go back. And kill them."_

 _"N-no, I can't. It's wrong..."_

 _"If you don't, you are dead to me. I will hate you forever. We had a deal, and I gave my life for it. Now turn around."_

 _"I don't want to."_

 _"KILL THEM! KILL THEM NOW! GO BACK AND KILL THEM NOW!"_

 _Asriel drops Chara's body, startled by the sudden change in volume. He sinks to his knees and grabs his head, desperate to get rid of the pain Chara is causing him by their shouting._

 _"KILL THEM, YOU IDIOT! KILL THEM!"_

 _And he does the only thing he has left to do: scream back._

"NO!"

The sound echoed through the ruins, and all at once he is back in front of the flowerbed. Terrorised, he jolted backward.

The sudden movement caused him to lose his balance and fall onto his side. There he laid still, as his whole body shook with sobs, violent coughs, and fear. But also with love, and desire. He didn't want to leave and morph back into something that had caused and would cause the ones he loved to suffer. He wanted to be with them. To hug them and tell them he was sorry, and to hear their voices. They would tell him that it was okay, and that they had missed him as much as he now did, and that he had done good.

And he would tell them what had happened, and that he was responsible for the destruction of the barrier, and that he had been the evil yellow flower all along. Then he would thank Alphys, of course, for giving him life, so that he was able to set monsters free without a single bit of dust or blood being shed this time.

Time was running out. Both his mind and his physical form were crumbling, and it would only be a matter of seconds before he would be gone.

He didn't want to, he didn't want to, he didn't want to.

For some reason he had expected that he would be calmer and more collected about this, that he would say his final words, smile, and then disappear. Like a real hero. He wouldn't be panicking.

He curled up like a human fetus, held his head, and tried his best to control his breathing, but he was hyperventilating now and there wasn't much he could do about it.

Even though he was a little surprised and disappointed at the loss of control on his mind and body, he was glad that Frisk wasn't here. Frisk was probably on their way to the surface now, thinking that he was smiling, and would calmly divert back into what Frisk knew as Flowey. The ominous flower who, even though it claimed it didn't feel anything, had proven to have at least some emotion.

Asriel didn't know how much he would be able to feel as the flower, but it wouldn't be as colourful, and complicated, and beautiful as this. It would be monotone, and boring. And no pain, sadness, guilt or comfort would get through to it. No love either. Nothing.

About five seconds left now. He didn't know how he knew it, but it was what it was. Desperate to cling to his last moments, he searched for the one emotion he would go down with. But pathetic as he was, the only thing he could find was fear, mixed with sadness and regret. He wouldn't go down the hero he had hoped to be, even though he knew deep in is heart that in one way, he too, had played an enormous part in the freedom of his kind.

He had been a good person, and the only bad things he had done had come from fear of loneliness. He should have smiled at his existence.

But it didn't matter, for the young monster was overcome by his sadness, the guilt, and the regrets he had. And like this, the child faded away, shaking violently, dead scared of what was to come.

And the flower shook his leaves, looked around, and ran away.

* * *

 **Heyhey!**

 **Thanks a lot for reading this! Hope you enjoyed this errr... happy piece of fiction...**

 **As you may know (or not) it has been a loooooooooooooooooong time since I've written or even posted something on here, so this is kind of a big deal for me, actually. I used to write a crappy OC story for Fairy Tail, but I decided to quit that bc writing OCs wasn't all that fun in my opinion. So yay! Angsty crap that I formed with my brain! Woot woot!**

 **Anyway, thanks for reading, and if you've got anything (criticism, tips, tops) on your mind, leave a review!**

 **Okay, that's all!**

 **(This was also written bc I should've filmed a video instead of this but I'm sick and at my aunt's so that's no for this week... XD)**

 **See ya!**

 **-Ink**


End file.
